DAMMIT!!!!

Well, I have to say that I just wrote a funny, clever post and because this jackass system screwed up it has been jettisoned into the ethernet. There's no way in hell I'm typing that all over again!!! Besides, I probably can't remember exactly what I wrote anyways! Man, this pisses me off! Shit!

Another Failed Government Institution...

The U.S. Postal Service.

So, my mom sent me a letter Express Mail overnight. Of course, it didn't get here overnight. That would be too easy. The letter didn't arrive on the specified day. My mom called the post office to track it and the lady could only tell her that it was shipped from Florida. DUH! My mom knew that because she's the one who sent it. I tried to track the shipment online, but the USPS only updates it's information once in the evenings. Today I tried again. The tracking information says it was missent to Illinois. Yes, you could ask, how could mail marked for Pennsylvania end up in Illinois? I mean, they could mess up on a couple of zip code numbers, right? But the envelope clearly stated the correct city and state. If you think I'm being a little harsh, then let me introduce you to:

Melissa's Saga with the Post Office to Date

• I pay $1.00 (online) to have my mail forwarded to my new address, which is located 4 buildings down from my old address...yet, half of my mail still goes to my old address and the new resident marks them "return to sender". There is no explanation for this madness, since some of my new mail arrives at my new, correct address and some does not.

• I send a "Thank You" card to my friend in Virginia. The next day I find the card in my mailbox postmarked and everything. This was not bounced back because it was addressed wrong. It was just sent to the return address. Apparently the postman thought it would be fun to do everything backwards that day and sent the card to the return address.

• My friend in Maryland sends me a wedding "Save The Date" postcard. Days go by and I haven't received anything. I give up and decide it must have been lost. Over a week and 1/2 later I receive the postcard. My friend's aunt in Taiwan received her postcard before I did. Apparently it takes longer to send mail to Pennsylvania (remember, only 1 state separates Pennsylvania from Maryland) than to send mail to another country thousands and thousands of miles away.

Today I did something useful. I filed my income tax return. Now I'm back to doing nothing useful.

Call me an idiot or call me oblivious, but I didn't realize Terry Schiavo (yes, that again) has been in this state of being for 15 years. I guess I wasn't paying attention enough. That is a FRIGGIN LONG TIME!!!! I would like to state that if I were in a vegetative state or in a coma, which doctors (and I mean several doctors) said I would not recover from then I would not want to be kept alive by artificial means. I think three to five years is about as much as I, in such a state, or my loved ones could bare to take, and even that might be pushing it. I can't imagine the horror of lying there like that for 15 years. Really sad.

Anyways, that's the last I'm going to mention that case. I hate feeding into the tunnel-visioned media's idea of news.

So, here I'm going to talk about the news that gets shoved under the carpet.

Protesters have forced the president of Kyrgystan to flee his office.
Kyrgystan?????????????????????????????? I thought it was a misprint! Whoever heard of this country? As your typical self-absorbed American, I must say...from whence did all these "stans" suddenly come? For I have never heard of them before, so they surely just invented themselves.
(Ok, so this wasn't exactly shoved under the carpet. But, a more legitimate question...why is this playing high in the headlines?)

Diner Finds Finger in Chili (Reuters via CNN)
I love this quote:
"This individual apparently did take a spoonful, did have a finger in their mouth and then, you know, spit it out and recognized it," said Ben Gale, director of the department of environmental health for Santa Clara County. "Then they had some kind of emotional reaction and vomited."
There seems to be some confusion as to whom this missing finger belongs.

Chess Legend Bobby Fischer Finds a Home in Iceland
Can someone please explain to me what this guy did? As I understand it, this guy is wanted by the United States for illegally playing a game of chess in the former Yugoslavia in 1992.

Just logging in to say...

I'm not dead, although I've felt close to it the past two days. I've experienced some type of food poisoning or stomach virus. Although, it is likely food poisoning, I can't seem to figure out how I got it. Anywho, I've spent the last couple of days writhing in nausea. Not to mention, the day I became contaminated I also tried my first aerobics class at Gold's Gym. Well, it was an ass kicker and needless to say, exacerbated my illness into full bloom. Forty-five minutes into my class, which consisted of a 1/2 hr of spinning and 1/2 hr of circuit training, I immediately turned pale, felt light-headed, and nauseous. Now about 12 Gold's Gym attendees and 2 trainers no doubt think I'm the wussiest thing to ever hit a gym. Don't get me wrong...the class was HARD!!!! My nearly six months of cardio kickboxing classes did not even prepare me for this. STILL..I'm quite embarassed that everyone will think I wimped out for lack of strength, rather than a case of food poisoning coupled with a lack of strength. After being naueous on the inside and encased with muscle pain on the outside for an entire day, I finally had enough sense to take a hot shower. If you're ever in agony from overworking your muscles, I would highly recommend a hot shower. I'm sure this is not news to anyone, but I neglected to think of it earlier in my ill-ridden haze.

On another note, I would like to say that Bush has no place sticking his head into Terry Schiavo's predicament. It should strictly be a family matter.

Also, I've been wondering for a long time (and apparently so has Bill Maher) why Christians are so afraid of the afterlife? If the afterlife is so wonderful and something to strive for, then is it so bad that Terry move on to that place?

There's also the argument that men have no right to take away the life of another...that it should all be in God's hands. But, then doesn't that mean we should take Terry off of the feeding tube? That IS man interferring with the natural way of things. Terry would have passed on long ago without man's intervention. Perhaps that IS messing with God's way?

In any case, I'm not advocating that Terry's feeding tube be removed or not. I have no idea if she is or is not in a vegetative state, so I couldn't advocate one way or the other. There's also some talk that Terry's husband was abusive and that the judge is not letting that evidence into the case. It also seems like no one can definitively say whether or not she is in a vegetative state, which is disconcerting. She does seem somewhat coherent in the videos we've seen, but I'm no doctor, as if that would even help. Can't doctors figure that out??

So, I just think these are important questions people really need to think about. Although, I must say...if I were Terry Schiavo, then I would have preferred to move on to God's green pastures long ago. I understand that's something very difficult for a parent to deal with, I don't know what I would do in the same situation, but death is not always the worst option.

Simply Fabulous Blogs

I Hate My Flatmate

Sadly, the above blog has come to an end. I have much sympathy for this blogger, who has lived in vile conditions due to a slob of a roommate. I've lived with many slobs over the years. The stories are too painful to tell. Let's just say most of them involve dog poop stuck to the carpet and moldy substances growing on unwashed dishes of decaying food.

I'm a New York Intern

This guy is quite a chuckle.

Yesterday

Ok, so yesterday morning I bundled up and walked over to the local Starbucks and made an offering to the Caramel Macchiato god. In return I received a steaming Grande froth. (I hate these stupid mind games where the small size is called Tall and the large size is called Grande.) I only had 5 minutes before my meeting with Special Agent "Q". After the last meeting's fiasco I didn't dare show up late. We nearly lost the Golden Eye of Horus. I scanned the tiny cafe. Damn it was the smallest Starbucks I'd ever seen! There weren't even any couches, just some lousy wooden chairs and tiny tables. Ahh! There was Mr. Q. I nonchalantly strolled over to the corner table and slid into the seat opposite Mr. Q. He greeted me with a glance and swiftly slid over the documents.

This is a highly sensitive mission Ms. M. I suggest you read these over carefully and do your best work.

I always do my best when I work, I said with a twinkle in my eye.

It was a rhetorical statment. Anyways, the location of the stolen object is the Amazonian rainforest. We think it's in the northwest quadrant of Brazil near the Columbian border. We'll need you to leave immediately.

So here I am. Banging this out on my laptop on a plane to Brazil. Just another day in the life of a Museum Docent.

Ok, so I'm exaggerating a bit. Yesterday I went to the museum again to follow another tour in the Egyptian gallery, where I've chosen to concentrate my studies. It was a really good group! Lively and inquisitive sixth graders, who were willing participants in the tour. I even got to answer the questions of a spunky blonde girl in pink. Yes...I'm well on my way to becoming a helpful and knowledgable docent and, of course, the next Indiana Jones.

PMS

PMS sucks. I could barely thing straight the whole week. (SEE! I can't thinK straight) My mind is muddled with thoughts of food, stomach pain, food, cramps, food, headache, food, annoyance, food, depression, food, sadness, food, annoyance...
I could eat 5 cows right now, 6 pounds of potatoes (preferably fried in some type of greasy animal fat), and, possibly, 10 finger-lickin good fried chickens. Oh yah...and an Arby's Cheddar and Beef sandwich.

Then I would like to finish that off with a slice of Cheesecake Factory southern pecan cheesecake and 5 bowls of Gajar Ka Halwa. Then I would like it to all disappear before being absorbed by my stomach. Unfortunately, there is nothing of the kind to eat here.



Strange that PMS symptoms are almost the same as pregancy symptoms. I guess women were meant to suffer inexplicably.

Waiting for frogs to start falling out of the sky at any moment now.
Yesterday it was 60 degrees and I was driving around in my t-shirt with the windows down. I even had the heat off for the night. Less than 24 hours later, it is now snowing outside. A-mazing! LIke the candybar.

Yesterday's Observations

I really think Scott Peterson did it, so I'm glad he went to prison. However, I find it a bit...odd..that his sister has come out with a new book and done several TV talkshows. It's fine that she has some insight into all this and maybe she feels a need to tell this story in order to separate herself from Scott...but I think she just comes off as another money-greedy person trying to benefit off of a bad situation.

Yesterday I watched a childbirth on TLC. The mother did a natural birth using a midwife, a dulla (sp?) and a birthing chair. I have to say I'm worried by my reaction. I think the whole time I was cringing with a pained expression on my face. The whole thing looked absolutely terrifying. Makes me really nervous.

DAmmit!

Bubba, the 22-pound lobster, died just days after being saved from the dinner plate. They shoulda just let him go back from whence he came.

Sounded sexy...at first...

A Manhattan restaurant hosted a nudist night where patrons disrobed at the door.

At first this sounded pretty sexy! New York City's hip, young, and beautiful urban crowd (Carrie and all her gal pals) gathering together to sip cosmopolitans in their birthday suits. Then, I read this:

“It’s exciting to be in a restaurant nude,” said George Keyes, 65, a retired junior high school English teacher.

Nude yes, but not unadorned.

Keyes, a lifelong nudist, wore a necklace, earrings and a black leather “genital bracelet” with red studs. And white sneakers.
(Reuters 2/19/05)

That vision is enough to make children cry, adults scream, and Samantha close her legs.

Zoos Need Renovations

So, there's an article on CNN. There's a new debate over zoos. Seems captivity in cramped cement quarters causes many animals to go wacko. Hmm..no surprise there! It's kinda like what prison is for humans. I've always loved zoos, because it's the only place I can see these special animals. But, these zoos are no place for animals. The majority of zoos make a pitiful attempt at recreating natural habitat. Throwing a few plants on top of some concrete and creating a 10x10 wading pool does not constitute adequate living quarters. Of course, mankind did not figure this out until 2005 because mankind is, as always, blinded by its own needs and wants. Zoo keepers and administrators argue that we need zoos because these animals in the wild are slowly dying out. This is true. So, what to do? I propose we get rid of the current zoos and create 5 to 10 very large zoos situated in different regions of the country. Each zoo should be large enough to accomodate the animals. I don't mean in little, tiny, barred cages. There should be wide open ranges and grasslands for the animals to walk and run across....large waterholes and small lakes. Areas should be fenced and barred off, but should be natural (no cement floors for elephants)and spacious. Smaller, harmless animals could be viewed relatively closeup, while large and dangerous animals could be viewed from the safety of a safari-like tram. What better way to view the animals than in their "own environment"? Zoos could even tout these as safari adventures without the plane ticket to Africa.

Of course, this will probably never happen. At least not until some money-greedy investor notices the novelty and profit-making potential of it.

Random Thoughts...

Sooooo...looks like there's an uproar going on in the Middle East. Could we finally be seeing the end of brutal dictatorships that sponsor terrorism? If so, Bush will be hailed throughout time as a great leader. I tend to shudder at the thought, but if he can pull it off, then kudos to him. Perhaps every leader must concentrate one one thing during his time in office at the expensive of all other things. Perhaps it's impossible to be a good leader on all fronts, so one has to concentrate on one wonderful feat. Maybe so, but I really wish Bush would cut the environment some slack. I really enjoy my trees, water, and air. Oh yah..and I'd like to start eating tuna and salmon again sometime before I die. (For the informationally-challenged..they are banned from my diet because of high mercury levels.) I'd also like a little more focus on domestic issues, but I suppose that'll come around eventually if this whole Middle East thing dies down.

On a high note, Kudos to Bubba the 22-pound lobster, who was saved from the dinner plate and whisked away to a tank at the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum. Hey, it's not the wideopen ocean, but at least it's not full of mercury! ;)

OK! Something has been irking me for ages. How is it that a zombie doesn't eventually fall apart from decay??? It's not logical that a zombie can just walk around reanimated forever. Perhaps there would be the necessary brain activity to produce basic motor functions, but wouldn't his/her skin and muscles just decay and fall right off the bone??? Thus, logically, if one were to wait out long enough, then he/she would survive?

ugh!

Well, it snowed again yesterday. Of course, nothing like the arctic hell the weatherman predicted. It's like some sick attempt at playing God. Attempting to insight mass hysteria, so that hundreds of viewers will religiously tune in to see them cheese it up in front of a map of the U.S. Obviously in cahoots with the grocery chains in their attempt at world domination.

Anywho, gotta make up my horseback riding lesson this afternoon. I hope I'm not the only one in the class. I hope I don't have the slow horse today. I'm tired and I don't feel like it.

I feel like a blob today. I just want to hibernate until May.