Thursday, June 30, 2005

Jessica Alba's See Through Dress

Jessica wore a see-through dress to the MTV movie awards. I love Jessica Alba. I think she's gorgeous. If I were a guy I would marry her. God Bless Jessica Alba and her boobies!



Which makes me think of the bra situation. I've decided not to wear a bra with my wedding gown. It's essentially pointless. I have nothing to harness and strapless bras make me look flatter than I already am. I don't think small-breasted women should have to wear bras, unless they're wearing a sheer fabric in a light color or their name is Alexandra Kerry. In fact, I'm going to go a step further and say Alexandra Kerry should be banned from see-through fabric entirely.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

You know what's really annoying? Those stupid drivers that only pull half way into the turn lane and, thus, end up blocking traffic. People have to swerve around them or even come to a dead stop. I can't stand those drivers. I can't believe there are people stupid enough to not realize that the sole existence of the "Turn Lane" is so they don't get in the way of everyone else.

Well, today I managed my intense step class, so my ankle is well on it's way down the road to recovery. Some steps had to be toned down, but in general all was accomplished successfully and I sweated like a pig. Hallelujah, because I've just recently discovered Haagen Dazs' limited edition Strawberry Shortcake ice cream with pound cake pieces. I love strawberry cheesecake ice cream with graham cracker pieces, so it was a natural transition.

Last week I went to the apartment pool for all of 45 minutes, since that's all the time I had. On my way there I found a little baby bird (I later found out it was a swallow) on the ground. He (using the antiquarian method of using the male article to describe everything and anything when the gender is not obvious) had obviously fallen from his nest, which, after a thorough look around, I could not find. I picked up the little bird and he kept opening his mouth as if he wanted food. At first, he was clutching the ground and was hard to pick up. Being a typical frightened animal he immediately shat on me and I just flicked the white goo off. (I'm not phased by such things. I've been picking up and playing with insects and other creatures since I was a kid.) Petting him calmed him down and I took the little bird back to the apartment, put him in a box, and then took him over to the local SPCA, where they planned to transfer him to a bird rehabilitation place. I hope he remembers this incident and takes better care of his own children in the future.

Anywho, I did end up finally going to the pool. Unfortunately, it was overrun with 7 to 10 year olds. I managed to get in some backstrokes, back floats, and some weird looking frog-like motions on my front. While I was there I had the rare chance of eavesdropping on the conversations of today's child. It was probably the most appalling thing I've ever heard. One little boy, who looked about 8 years old, was talking about how hot it was in Philadelphia and suddenly proclaimed, "Women have to air that booty out. It gets real hot in Philadelphia. The hotter it gets, the less clothes the women wear." I thought I was going to puke. And then I realized I was wearing a bikini and quickly left the area.

I distinctly remember playing with barbies at this age and even at 10 years old the most I thought about the opposite sex was that I really wanted to go to the 5th grade dance with this quiet little boy in another class, so we could do some moonwalking and such. I will absolutely scream if my children go around thinking and talking like that child at the pool. *shiver*

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Celebrity Gossip

Btw, that is NOT my big, fat thumb holding up the Millenium Falcon pita. That is my fiance's thumb. I did not want you all to think I have man hands.

Michael Jackson:
I just don't get all his supporters. How can you vouch for the innocence of someone you don't even know? Wouldn't it have been better to have just given him the benefit of the doubt and left it at that? Those moronic fans are basing their opinion on the fact that he can moon walk. Unless they hang out and converse with Michael on a regular basis I would say their opinions are moot.

Katie Holmes:
Maybe Katie Holmes has always been interested in Scientology, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say she probably wasn't and she's only converting to this wacked out religion founded by a science fiction writer in a desperate attempt to hold on to her idol, Tom Cruise. Whether it's true or not, she comes off as a really weak person who can't stand on her own two feet. (Then again, maybe I'm the crazy one. Scientology could be the only "religion" that hasn't inspired killing on its behalf.)

Tom Cruise:
This jerkoff needs to hop right off the pedestal he's put himself on. Listen Cruise, when you can carry a baby for nine months and then give birth gimme a call and maybe I'll listen to your lunatic rantings against Brooke Shields and her postpartum depression.

Paris & Paris:
I'm taking bets on how long this marriage will last, that is, if it ever gets down the aisle.

Lindsay:
Please eat for God's sake! You were pretty hot in your Rumors video and now you look a little scary. And please get rid of that platinum blonde hair. It makes you look really sallow. Besides, do you really want to look like every other starlet??? Red is unique.

See this. This is the Millenium Falcon pita. I have provided a picture of the real Millenium Flacon for comparison.





Now, you would have seen this collector's item posted on Ebay; however, my fiance ate 50% of it and destroyed our chances of becoming millionaires.
And, this is what is left of our cash cow:


(I am still willing to sell the remnants of the Millenium Falcon pita to the highest bidder. Contact me via the comments section.)

On a brighter note, I finally got what I have always wanted from my sponsor child in Kenya -- A drawing!!!! I was literally jumping up and down for joy when I received this cute picture. (I have covered the top portion that displays both of our full names to protect the innocent, and me.) I wonder what kind of animal that is in the top corner?



by Jacob

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Fricker Fratter!

Well, I just attempted one jumping jack and I almost killed myself. My ankle was in immense pain. I'm so damn annoyed!!! It may sound dumb, but I'm dying to go back to my aerobics classes. I'm so frustrated! And I don't want to miss my third horseback riding class, because they're already paid for and I don't know how I'll manage all the makeup classes. THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! FRICK!

I can't even imagine what it must be like to break a bone.

Where is the justice in this world?

Ok, so a 27-year-old Australian woman, Schapelle Corby, was caught in Indonesia with nine pounds of marijuana in her bag. The woman denies that the marijuana is hers and says it must have been planted in her bag. Indonesian authorities sought either a life sentence or death by firing squad for the woman. Turns out she got off "lucky"with a 20 year sentence.

Ironically, the Bali bomber responsible for killing 202 people only received 30 months in jail.

Corby should have immediately bombed the airport after the marijuana was found. She would have eliminated the evidence and the witnesses and been sent to jail for less than 3 years.

It's so friggin disgusting I can barely write about it. It's times like this that I'm forced to reconsider my negative thoughts on U.S. imperialism.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

I'm a Klutz

Well, on Friday I went to the museum and as I was walking down the concrete stairs of the parking garage and I fell. I fell and twisted my ankle and bruised my coccyx (tailbone). So, this whole weekend has been a disaster. When I walk I'm ok for several steps and then my ankle gives out and the pain is excruciating. Fortunately, the Ace ankle brace I bought is helping with that and my swelling seems to have gone down. My butt is a whole other story. It's the worst pain and it's horrible not to be able to sit down comfortably. I have to lay on my side and even then it still hurts a little. I've been lugging around an inflatable doughnut, which helps some in the car but is really not all that great. I had to cancel my horseback riding lesson for Monday, which sucks because I FINALLY got the hang of cantering last week. It was exhilarating to be going that fast on my horse. Lots of fun! =) I'm majorly pissed that I won't be able to workout all week. I don't even know when I'll be able to go back to the gym. I'll make a feeble attempt to scarf veggies and salads all week.

On a sad note, I noticed that my cat has a smudgy, cloudy spot on the lens of his eye. I made an appointment with the vet for Monday. I read up on cat eye problems and it could be a harmless thing due to aging or it could be something horrible like a cataract. I've been totally freaking out, because my cat is my baby. I'm so worried about him. Also, he hates his cat carrier and I know it's going to be a fiasco trying to get him in there on Monday so I can take him to the vet. He'll probably shed me to pieces out of terror. =(

Bad weekend, bad...

Thursday, June 02, 2005

My Bachelorette Party

Here are some of the photos I promised you. There are a lot I haven't gotten yet because each person had a camera, but here are a few so you can get the gist of things.



Me in my bachelorette party gear: veil, penis whistle, and bun pincher. See what they did to me!!!

Gorgeous shot of the Bellagio fountain show.

Three of us in our gondola at the Venetian hotel. The other three girls had to take a separate gondola. Our gondolier was a beautiful singer. She sang a lovely Italian song during our ride.

This is part of the hall of our lobby at the Venetian hotel. The ceiling was painted in scenes reminiscent of the Sistine Chapel.

This is the penis cake my girl friends got me!!!

A shot of the entire gang in our suite. All five of my bridesmaids and me.

A picture at the indoor garden at the new Wynn hotel and casino.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Still Recovering...

from the best bachelorette party EVER!!!!

My voice is partially gone and I'm really...TIRED!

My five bridesmaids and I went to Las Vegas Thursday through Sunday to celebrate my impending marriage. We stayed at the Venetian in a luxurious suite, ate buffet after buffet, rode rollercoasters, shopped, lounged in the pool (gawd! that was the best part...the heat, ranging from high 90s to low 100s, was unbelievable outside of the cooling sphere of the pool waters), rode in a gondola, grooved at clubs, sauted in a sauna, and saw the men of Chippendale's perform (thus my mangled voice cords). It was an absolutely EXCELLENT time had by all! So excellent that we've decided we all have to come back annually to celebrate anniversaries.

I'll post some photos tomorrow.