Look at me!

Took some quiz I found on a friend's blog, Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You? Look at me:


You are a dark goddess!

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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Darkness -- DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE!

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN!!!! (besides the Spice Girls movie and Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen) WARNING -- Do NOT watch this movie! Don't waste your money.
1.) This movie is sooo drawn out! It tries for suspense and delivers boredom instead.
2.) Besides the ramblings of a psycho grandfather, there's little explanation as to why anyone would want to release "the darkness." We never know the motive of the people who started the whole thing or what will happen once it's released.
3.) The only cool, scary special effect is the freaky old, skeletal-lookin person that comes out of the old photograph, BUT, unfortunately, the creature is glimpsed only twice throughout the whole movie.
4.) The leading girl's male sidekick is a goofy, dork, who offers female viewers nothing in the form of eye candy.
5.) This movie is PG-13, which means when someone is killed you see N-O-T-H-I-N-G, thus, rendering this horror movie UNscary (yes, I made that word up!)
6.) This movie goes down in film history as having THE stupidest ending EVER!!!!! (I won't ruin it for you, in case you're dumb enough to go watch it despite my review.)

Dear Dad

Ok, so this morning I go to the kitchen to grab the phone so I can start calling everyone I need to see while I'm intown and my Dad looks up at me and says "You need to see a dermatologist." Wha tha Hell?!? THANKS DAD!!! Turns out he's referring to this medium-huge zit I got a few days ago. (You know what a medium-huge zit is, as opposed to the large-huge zit, the mega-huge zit and the often talked about, but rarely seen Gargantuan Zit that reportedly obscures 40 to 60% of the face and distracts low flying planes?) "You know, your brother took some medicine before and he doesn't have any problems now." errrrrr........So, out of my desire to always out the truth AND a tiny desire to teach my Dad a lesson, I say,

"Dad....I always get zits once a month when I have my period."

My dad: "ummmmm...ooohhh...ok."

When you want a man to shut up, always bring up the subject of menstruation.

Goin to the Orange State Tomorrow...

Goin to Florida to see the folks tomorrow. Might sound lame, but I HATE the idea of not being with my honey for several days. I already miss him. =(


HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!!!!

Man, I've got to pack...

Who's Protecting Our Bases?

22 dead in rocket attack on U.S. base in Mosul
13 U.S. soldiers reported among dead hit in crowded dining hall
By NBC's Jim Miklaszewski and news wires
Updated: 11:33 a.m. ET Dec. 21, 2004


That was the headline I just read. Our bases should be virtually impenetrable fortresses. They should be the few places in Iraq that are actually well-protected, but this doesn't seem to be the case. Our soldiers should have a safe haven to retreat to when they're not out fighting. Someone really needs to get this situation under control.

GREAT! Just Great!

Study: Mobile phone radiation harms DNA
Laboratory research finds damage in human and animal cells exposed to cell phone-type radiation.
December 21, 2004: 10:19 AM EST
MUNICH/AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Radio waves from mobile phones harm body cells and damage DNA in laboratory conditions, according to a new study majority-funded by the European Union, researchers said on Monday.

T.O. Injured -- Who the Hell Cares?????

So, I'm watching TV and then all of the sudden BREAKING NEWS is flashed across the screen, interrupting my show. My mind's racing. What could it be? Gas leak? Serial killer on the loose? Terrorist attack? No, some sports guy named T.O. (he doesn't even have a full name) for the Eagles has been injured. OMIGOSH...STOP THE PRESS...STOP THE WORLD!!!!!!! OOOOOOooOOOOOOooo..THE TRAGEDY! Friggin-A!!! Ok, that may suck for someone out there...I'm guessing an Eagles fan, but it's hardly BREAKING NEWS. What the hell is wrong with the media??? So, the next time I see BREAKING NEWS flash on my TV screen I'll be sure to ignore it...and, unfortunately, it may actually be something important like a terrorist attack...but I'll never know...thanks to the almighty media, who knows an important story when it breaks.

Weightloss Program Revision

Hiiiii-deee-hooo everybody!!!

It's come to my attention that some of you may be starting this program from point zero -- meaning, you may not exercise at all right now. In which case, I'd recommend starting at 3 workouts per week and gradually moving up to 5 workouts per week. Also, remember...it's better to do some physical activity than none. So if you worked out 3 times this week already, then you can always throw in some walking for at least 20 minutes on other days throughout the week.

OMIGOSH...It's COLD!!!

BRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!! Rabbit! It's cold! This morning it was 9 degrees!!!! NINE DEGREES!!!!!! I almost couldn't get my car door open, because it was frozen shut and then I was taking the turnpike and my stupid window was frozen shut solid!!! I had to pull up farther and open my entire door to pay the toll. GEeeesh!

Anyways, so I begged God to let it snow yesterday and it snowed! Unfortunately, it was only a lousy inch or so and now it's almost all gone. =( I wanted to see some snow before I headed down to Florida to visit my parents and bro for the holidays. It ALWAYS snows on Christmas day (or right before it) when I go to Florida for Christmas. I HATE that! Everyone wants a white Christmas. Who the heck wants a palm treey, 75 degree Christmas? Sucks...

Well, some of you probably DO want a 75 degree Christmas. Not me! I want it to feel like Christmas. However, I hate cold weather. Yah, I hate it. Send me to a tropical island almost any day and I'll lay there on the beach catchin some rays under my SPF 45 sunblock (hey, the sun causes wrinkles) and listenin to the seagulls squawkin and the waves crashin. Ahhhhhh! Wonderful! The only time it should ever be cold is Dec. 1st through Feb. 30th. That's it boys and girls. Only 2 months of winter weather. Just enough time to enjoy the holidays and slip in a little skiing and sledding. Then we should be right into spring and sunny weather.

I'll give you some pictures to look at as soon as I install this stupid program that lets me load them in.

Can You Believe This Crap?!?

So, I used to go to Panera all the time because I wanted to get something "healthy" to eat for lunch. My favorite sandwich was the Sierra Turkey. Check this out:

Sierra Turkey
Serving Size: 12.5 oz
Sodium: 2360mg
Calories: 950
Total Carbohydrate: 71g
Total Fat: 55g
Dietary Fiber: 4g
Saturated Fat: 13g
Sugars: 4g
Cholesterol: 40mg
Protein: 40g
(Taken from the Panera website: www.panerabread.com)

WHAT THE HELL?!? 950 CALORIES?????? 55 GRAMS OF FAT??????? 13 G SATURATED fAT??? 2,360 MG OF SODIUM??????????????????? 40 MG OF CHOLESTEROL?????? WHAT THE HELL??? IT'S TURKEY FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! TURKEY!!!!!

Ok, so check this out:
McDonald's Cheeseburger
310 calories, 12 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 40 mg of cholesterol, 740 mg of sodium

(Taken from http://www.mcdonalds.com/app_controller.nutrition.index1.html )

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE????

So, basically I've been eating what I thought was "the healthy choice" when all along I could have had a Mcdonald's cheeseburger.

***Please note: This does NOT mean I'm advocating that you eat at McDonald's. See my previous post: "Melissa's Weightloss Program".

Please join me in a nationwide public boycott of Panera on April 1st, 2005. Details will follow.

Melissa's Weight Loss Program

Hey, if you wanna lose weight, then I've got the program for YOU!

Exercise at least 5 times per week.
Make sure you do a cardio activity each time and integrate weight training into your workout at least 3 times a week. Remember: If you're not sweating, then you're not working out! Don't try to fool yourself. Using the thigh master for 10 minutes a day does not constitute a workout.

*TIP: Try an aerobic class. I find that I work my hardest in a class setting, because I can't just stop or slow down when I want. I'm motivated to go as fast as everyone else. If I'm working out alone in a gym, then sometimes my pace goes down to satisfy my need to be lazy. I highly recommend cardio kickboxing. But throw in a couple of different classes in addition to going to the gym to keep yourself from getting bored.

Eat Healthy!
Stop eating overprocessed foods. Choose whole wheat over white breads. Don't eat foods with partially-hydrogenated oils in them. (Believe me..almost everything has them in it! Crackers, chips, cookies, blah blah blah...) Your safest bet is to buy foods at health food chains like Whole Foods and Trader Joe's. (Trader Joe's is more economical.) Unfortunately, if you're in the South, then you don't have either of these grocery stores. You'll have to get more creative. Anyways, it's simple. Raise your intake of leafy green vegetables. Eat fruit instead of sweets. Cut back on carbs, but don't eliminate them. That doesn't work in the long run. Cut back on red meat, but when you do eat it always choose the leanest cuts. Eat grilled chicken, not fried. If you need snacks, then eat fruit and snacks found at health food stores. You can find some really good tasting snacks at health food stores.

Some of my favorites are:

• Eatsmart's Cheddar & Jalapeno Veggie Crips by Snyder's of Hanover (most regular grocers: Giant, Clemens, etc.)
• Kashi's Cheese TLC, Tasty Little Crackers, in Country Cheddar (Trader Joe's; Whole Foods)
• All Natural Joe-Joe's Trader Joe's Vanilla Sandwich Creme Cookies (Trader Joe's)
• Robert's American Gourmet snacks: caramel Pirate Booty popcorn & Smart Puffs (most grocers in the organic section)
• Soy Dream's Lil' Dreamers ice cream sandwiches (Whole Foods)

I also LOVE Amy's Organic Cheese Pizza. It's delicious, esp. the crust, and it's significantly healthier than regular pizza.


SALADS: Don't be fooled by this word! Restaurant salads can contain more fat/calories than you'd think! The key to a healthy salad is picking your salad dressing wisely! Stick with vinagrettes and no/low fat dressings. Caesar and ranch dressings are a "no, no"! Also, use spinach leaves instead of lettuce. Lettuce is mostly water, while spinach is full of vitamins and antioxidants.

We're All Human!:
So we screw up! That's why my program is better than trend diets. If you screw up and pig out one night, then just make up for it the next day. Work out an extra 1/2 hour to an hour longer and eat a salad in place of a meal. Don't freak out and give up! That's the worst thing you can do and that's what most people do. Also, if you know ahead of time that you're going to pig out for, say, the holiday office party, then step up your workout that day and eat the salad for lunch. Of course, this doesn't mean make it a habit to "pig out" constantly. This is to save your body and your mind when you need to "slip up".

*Tip: Try to eat your heaviest meal for lunch. Most people eat their heaviest meal for dinner, which can be bad because you're not as active at night and you'll end up sleeping with all that food sitting in your stomach with no where to go but your thighs.

People, the media, society -- They're all trying to sell you the quick-fix plan, because it's more profitable to them. Don't let them fool you. The only way to lose weight AND keep it off is to change your entire lifestyle. They also try to make it seem complicated in order to get you to buy their products. Weightloss is NOT complicated!!! It's simple: Eat healthy and exercise regularly. AND it's mathmatical, you can't lose weight if you take in more calories than you expend.

I'm not a health fitness instructor nor do I have a certification, but I am 5'4" and weigh 110lbs. and my weight stays consistent.

Write me if you have any questions.

U.S. Heads Backward Toward the Dark Ages

Excerpts taken from: Some Abstinence Programs Mislead Teens, Report Says
By Ceci ConnollyWashington Post Staff WriterThursday, December 2, 2004; Page A01

Many American youngsters participating in federally funded abstinence-only programs have been taught over the past three years that abortion can lead to sterility and suicide, that half the gay male teenagers in the United States have tested positive for the AIDS virus, and that touching a person's genitals "can result in pregnancy," a congressional staff analysis has found.
Those and other assertions are examples of the "false, misleading, or distorted information" in the programs' teaching materials, said the analysis, released yesterday, which reviewed the curricula of more than a dozen projects aimed at preventing teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease.

Among the misconceptions cited by Waxman's investigators:
• A 43-day-old fetus is a "thinking person."
• HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, can be spread via sweat and tears.
• Condoms fail to prevent HIV transmission as often as 31 percent of the time in heterosexual intercourse.

Some course materials cited in Waxman's report present as scientific fact notions about a man's need for "admiration" and "sexual fulfillment" compared with a woman's need for "financial support." One book in the "Choosing Best" series tells the story of a knight who married a village maiden instead of the princess because the princess offered so many tips on slaying the local dragon. "Moral of the story," notes the popular text: "Occasional suggestions and assistance may be alright, but too much of it will lessen a man's confidence or even turn him away from his princess."

Moral Decay at it's Finest

As published by CNN.COM:

REDWOOD CITY, California (AP) -- Scott Peterson remains cheerful despite being sentenced to death just days ago, buoyed in part by the constant flow of fan mail he continues to receive, the San Mateo County sheriff said Thursday.

(CNN) -- Missouri authorities have issued an Amber Alert for an infant after a woman, who was eight months' pregnant, was killed and the fetus removed from her body.

Another example of incomptent workers

I didn't receive my health insurance billing invoice. It was due December 1st. I called my provider and told them to send me another one, because it must have gotten lost in the mail. Two weeks later, no invoice. Running out of time. I have a 30-day grace period. Called them today and asked them if I could pay over the phone. The lady said "yes" and transferred me to another department. The man took all my information and then told me they don't take Discover. They don't take AMEX either. Shit! So, I had to get off the phone and get my fiance's card. I call back and I get a random customer service person. He says he doesn't know anything about paying over the phone and he doesn't know where my previous call was transferred. Great! I'm dealing with an idiot. Then he transfers me to this automated menu that has nothing to do with the billing department. I hang up and call back. I get yet another random CS person. She tells me she thinks only terminated accounts can pay over the phone. Luckily she decides to check on this and I am finally able to pay my bill.

What the hell is wrong with people?!? This is their job! They don't even know what they're doing! They don't even know answers to the simplest questions! My call had been transferred to the ever illusive and mystical Billing Department! wOOooOoooOoooOOoo...!!! Who would have ever thought billing questions should be directed to the Billing Department?!

I can't believe there are people more wealthy and successful in business than I. By my calculations, based upon the people I come in contact with day to day, 80% of the U.S. population (for I haven't been abroad much) must be comprised of morons. Therefore, one would come to the conclusion that it would be relatively easy to become a millionaire within a short period of time. Either I'm lazy or there's a conspiracy in action.