The Filipino-Jacksonville Jealous Lunacy Curse

Today I would like to be petty and malicious by pointing out some seriously retarded shit I had to put up with while living in my hometown of Jacksonville, Florida.

There's a group of immature morons living amongst the Filipino community in good ol' Jax. They are not morons because they are Filipino (believe me..I'm half Filipino and I'm pretty damn smart and so is my family and certain people I deem worthy enough to be my friends - Props to my homeboy Joed); however, I had to use the whole "Filipino community" thing in an attempt to target this particular sector of idiots. I have to tell you about this strange phenomenon I've dubbed...The Filipino-Jacksonville Jealous Lunacy Curse.

You're probably confused and rightly so. Soooo..let me explain what I'm talking about.

Scenario 1: When I was 15 years old my friend and I met these two guys G.P. and D.F. We were all friends and hung out often. Apparently G.P. and D.F. both had a crush on me, but I only saw them as friends. I had a girlfriend named Marie and she liked D.F. Anyways, to make a long story short...I made a REALLY dumb mistake by accepting D.F.'s proposal to go to prom, which of course pissed off Marie. ANYWAYS...I went to the prom with D.F. and since I only liked him as a friend the evening ended with a hug and that's it. Unfortunately, because D.F. was a victim of the "Filipino-Jacksonville Jealous Lunacy Curse", and an immature punkazz, he was pissed off about that. He told a bunch of people that he spent a lot of money on me and should have gotten "something" because of it. Then, he and his friends started prank calling my house. They did it so often and for so long that my parents had to change their phone number. It's also noteworthy to mention that D.F. and G.P. had a female friend, Cindy, who made comments about "kicking my ass" because of all this. I guess some people in Jacksonville think that young girls should have sex with guys if they pay for their dinner and give them a corsage. I, being of a stronger moral and mature character, think this is complete BULL SHIT!

Scenario 2: My first boyfriend was R.O. I only dated him for one month when I was 14 1/2 years old and we might have held hands for about 2 minutes. Fast forward about 5 years, when the CURSE manifests itself yet again. I'm in college. This idiot, Jason, is telling my friend that I'm a player, because I "played" R.O. and broke his heart. Uhh..HELLLLLLOOOOO????? Are you fuk'n stupid or something??? I dated your friend for 2 seconds before I hit puberty. Get a Fuk'n life.

Scenario 3: Oh looooky here!!! D.F. has come back to haunt me. That pesky CURSE is back! I'm in college with D.F. and he's dating some girl named after a playground toy...let's call her See Saw. Well, apparently See Saw is angry that once upon a time 5 to 6 years ago I went to the prom with her current boyfriend. See Saw is sooooo insecure and jealous of me that she constantly harasses me with dirty looks and snide comments out of the side of her mouth and behind my back. Of course, I HAVE NO FUK'N idea what her problem is because I NEVER liked her boyfriend and the last time I even saw him was before he grew an adam's apple and armpit hair.

Scenario 4: This scenario is going to sound just like Scenario 3, because it involves a girl I don't even know hating me because once upon a time nearly 5 million years ago when we were still crawling around in diapers and sucking on our thumbs...her boyfriend liked me. So, I dated this guy, J.C,. in junior high school for 6 months. We actually kissed in addition to holding hands, but that's about it. About four years ago I became aware of the fact that this girl (I can't even remember her name..that's how important she is to me) hated my guts. I couldn't figure out why at first, because I didn't know her. Well, turns out it's because of the above. I dated her boyfriend a millenia ago and she's jealous over it. I can't understand why, because I HAVE NEVER SINCE (jr. high) BEEN INTERESTED IN THIS GUY. In fact, my fiance is sooo friggin awesome...I can't figure out why she would even think I would be interested. But should we even blame her? Isn't she just another victim of The Filipino-Jacksonville Jealous Lunacy Curse???

...YES, WE'RE GONNA FUK'N BLAME HER! WE'RE GONNA BLAME THEM ALL, BECAUSE I SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO PUT UP WITH ALL THIS RIDICULOUS IMMATURE B.S. JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE SO FRIGGIN INSECURE ABOUT THEMSELVES. WHY DON'T YOU GROW UP, PULL YOUR THUMBS OUT OF YOUR AZZES AND STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT I'M UP TO.....MY CUTE AZZ IS OFF THE MARKET, OK???? I'M MARRIED AND I DON'T WANT YOUR STUPID, BROKE MAN!

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Melissa